Interview 03 - Sr. Carmelita Hagen - Thirty Years of Mercy Oral History Project

Thirty Years of Mercy Oral History Project

Sister Carmelita Hagan

Interview 003

1/29/21

Interviewers:

Dr. Mary Ellen Weir

Dr. Daniel Hutchinson

Biographical Note:

Sister. Carmelita Hagan, a professed member of the Sisters of Mercy, has provided pastoral care and ministry at the House of Mercy since 2002. In her work at House of Mercy, Sister Carmelita provided spiritual comfort and solace for residents and their families.

Ellen Weir [EW]: Very nice to talk with you Sister Carmelita to get a sense of the history. On my first question, if you can just give us tell us a little bit about your background, as a Sister of Mercy, and then specifically how you got involved with the House of Mercy, and what your role there was?

Sr. Carmelita Hagan [SCH]: I was in education several years of my life. I've been in pastoral care since 2002. And I have a Master's degree in pastoral care--[I loved doing pastoral care in the parishes that I ministered in and was most interested in continuing that ministry when I came to Belmont.] That's how I really got involved in the House of Mercy...[it was] an opportunity to do 00:01:00pastoral care where there was a real need.

I came to Belmont to a home for women and children [who had become homeless]-- July 1, 1992--I started the same time at the House of Mercy--.I would go to maybe three times a week, sometimes a half an hour, sometimes an hour, sometimes several hours, depending on the health of the resident that I might be dealing with at that particular time...If they were seriously ill, meeting with the family...I just enjoy doing that and being part of that.

EW: And how many years were you involved with the House of Mercy?

SCH: I am still at the House of Mercy, since July 1, 1992.

EW: Wow. Okay. And doing many other things as well, I'm sure. But that's a great record.

SCH: I'm sorry, I gave you the wrong year....July 1, 2002.

EW: Oh, okay.. Great. Well, do you remember...do you remember the first person you

had contact with at the House of Mercy. When you walked in for that first day of ministry there? Do you remember who you met, what your impressions were?

SCH: I knew Shirley Stowe, I had visited there several times before I started ministry at the House of Mercy. And that was a kind of a nice affirmation to go and

meet Shirley...when I walked into the House, Ellen, I thought, "Wow, what a 00:03:00beautiful home." I wasn't sure what to expect for a medical facility. It didn't look like a medical facility at all. It looked like a beautiful home, you walked right into the living room. And there were a couple of residents there that day when I came down in the first time...I introduced myself and visited with

Shirley for a while. Then when I came back to do ministry there...I think the living room was empty....I met some of the staff.

And as I said the House is a home, it's a true home. It's set up as a home and..[has] its own living room, and a nice big den, and has an activity area. I was really impressed with the setup. That's Mercy.

EW: Yeah...to create a home.

SCH: [We] create a home, make it a home. That's why its called the House of Mercy rather

than some medical name.

EW: Right? And as you know...we've interviewed Sister Mary Wright and Shirley [Stowe] and,

the House...has prided itself on being a home and creating that kind of atmosphere you talked about, and not a medical facility. How did you see residents respond to that sense of, "this is a home and not simply a place where I'm going to receive medical care?"

SCH: My experience has been they're just in awe when they walk into the house. That's not what they expect at all. I guess they expected it to be like a hospital setting or something of that nature. They just seem to fall in love with the House. When they come in first. And the living room is lovely because 00:05:00you can come in and sit down, and share, and talk with residents and be at home with them. That's so important, to be at home with them. Rather than treat them as persons with a disease. Accepting them for who they are as persons. First and foremost, God's special people.

EW: Yeah. Were you able to see any of the residents sort of change...who might havecome in expecting a hospital situation in sort of a medical facility...Did you witness anyone

really change and observe changes in them as they got used to being at home and maybe

feeling loved, and secure, protected?

SCH: Being at home in the new home?

EW: Yeah, who sort of went through a transformation?

SCH: Yes. I could see some of the residents it really did bring change to their lives. Because...most of them do not come from a home setting. They're coming from the street.

Or...some homeless shelter [or dysfunctional family]? It's a very different situation. Every day is a special day for them at the House of Mercy, as far as I could see.

The atmosphere of the house changed their thinking of themselves, also.

They were not patients. Rather they were part of a home. I could see that 00:07:00change. When they come in first they thought of themselves as being patients. Then they began to see themselves as part of this home. This is their family now. And we focus on that. This is their family, they share

together, they eat meals together in common, do activities together, they go on field trips, they do things as a family. I think that's very important. And that's thanks to the wonderful staff we have. They really set the tone for the House.

EW: Yeah, that's true. And I'm sure other residents welcoming in new residents coming in set the tone. So, it's happening. But let me ask you this with your mentioning, you know, some of the residents coming from shelters, or being 00:08:00homeless, or perhaps very bad family situations.... In your experience, did you perceive any discrimination, or stigmatization, or inequality in the lives of the residents in terms of being persons who are poor, or being homeless, or gender or racial kinds of tensions that they experienced as they came into the House?

SCH: I had seen that question on your paper... but I did not experience that. What I did experience, occasionally, we would have residents that were not as respectful of staff as they

should have been. I noticed that sometimes white residents were a little...I 00:09:00don't want to say upset...a little disturbed sometimes about the way they were cared for...because a nurse was black. And I don't know what they expected. But between the residents themselves,

white and black, I never noticed anything.

EW: Okay. Did you perceive them also coming into the House of Mercy having experienced racism and discrimination because they were poor or homeless? Did they come in with that kind of baggage and did they have to work through that?

SCH: They definitely had to work through it. Those who came from shelters...some of them come from hospitals. But it took them, some of them, a little while to

work through who they thought they were and who they really were. [Some saw themselves as a nobody] who nobody cares about....[Now] they are in a loving environment.... "Oh I am, I am important! I have something to offer here too." They learned to share

with other residents. They were open enough to talk about their disease. Some were even open enough to say, "I was stupid...to get involved in drugs and that."

EW: So a lot of personal growth you're seeing in the residents?

SCH: More of my experience of working with a resident was the one-on-one. Because I would visit each resident as an individual...not in a group. One of 00:11:00the difficult things I've tried, and Sister Marie Goretti who preceded me in that ministry, getting them to come together and have something spiritual. They just didn't. Having done one-on-one in their rooms, I've seen some beautiful, beautiful, beautiful experiences. Gradually, they would open up to me, a stranger to them. They would gradually open up [as they got more comfortable with me.]

Often, I've noticed, my gosh, they're just making a confession to me, as we say, in the Catholic

Church. It was very sacred moments for me, I'll assure you, a very sacred time for the one-on-one with a resident, especially those who are really struggling 00:12:00with how they got the disease, and

understanding that God loved them. Some of them, they just couldn't see themselves being loved by God, because of the way they lived. And to come to that understanding...to help them to come to that...to our loving God just was beautiful. For me, it was always that they could die in peace. Knowing that they were loved by God. They could come to that realization over time. It was a long struggle for several of the people I ministered with. To realize that God did 00:13:00love them in spite of their lifestyle.

And then when a resident would die in the House sometimes we were able to go to the funeral, the residents could go too. [But] most of the time not. I would have a memorial service at the House. To honor that deceased member. And one of the beautiful experiences of many that I had, was this young man, rather quiet...he played the guitar, had his own guitar. And when I would open it up to sharing for anyone who would like to say something, or have a memory of the person... this young man said, "I have written a song." And he played it on his guitar, and it was a moving, moving experience. Beautiful. That he'd gotten to 00:14:00know the resident well enough that he could write such a touching song about that person.

I've had many moving experiences with residents on their spiritual journey. They have enriched my spiritual journey too. It works both ways. Some of them have a very deep spirituality. Just hadn't been developed as well as it could of been.

EW: And I'm sure...some residents were Catholic and knew who the Sisters of Mercy were. For some you may have been the first nun some ever met. Did you have anybody say, "Oh, who are you and what's the Sister of Mercy thing?"

SCH: Not really, because I would introduce myself and tell them a little bit about

what a Sister of Mercy was. The only question they ever asked me, Ellen, was: "How come you don't wear that dress?" That was the only thing they ever said to me about the Sisters of Mercy was "how come you don't wear that dress." I explained that and the history of community.

EW: Oh lord, yeah. It's a long history.

SCH: Long history is right.... When we opened the house, my understanding was it was for the terminally ill. And the residents we took in at the beginning were 00:16:00terminally ill. Most of them were on their journey home to eternity. Now, I would say at least 30% go back out into apartments. What I was going to say about the terminal illness, we have residents there now...six, seven years, one there, nine or 10 years, I do wonder what direction that will take? They're really living there like a retirement home more than anything. But they still have the virus in their system.

EW: When you were at the House of Mercy, what was the most challenging aspect of 00:17:00the work? The hardest part?

SCH: I find sometimes it's very difficult to get a resident to open up. Not that they have to open up, to me or to anyone else. But when you know a person is suffering, and a person is in pain, just from brief things that have been said and being rejected....they don't want anyone coming into the room. And they don't want to talk about God. That's always difficult. I take it away and

pray for them. And most often, they do come around to accepting God in their 00:18:00lives. But it can be very challenging at times. I don't take it as a rejection. But for them, that's what they're doing.

At the time... that's challenging in the sense. I want to be able to reach them. But I'm not sure yet of the next step. I enjoy every day I go to the House of Mercy, even with a difficult resident. They just need a few extra prayers. You have to work through things with each individual, and they are all individuals....when it comes to the one on one, helping them.

And helping the families. Some families we don't see. Some families, it's very important

when you're there and they're so appreciative of when you pray with them, with their child or

their son or daughter, and with them at the same time. It gives them comfort. I see that often

in families they're comforted by being together and praying and allowing them to open up and

pray too. It's very difficult for families, especially with rather young, and many of ours are young, sons or daughters suffering from the disease. Because [for] some there is no hope, we know that. We always say there's hope. But more 00:20:00and more, there is a lot of hope for people because, as I said, advances and medications gives them great hope.

And the care... often it's the care they need, tender loving care, that they didn't have before they came in. That's part of the healing for them too. It's a wonderful ministry. It's always been a great ministry of the Sisters of Mercy and for anyone who has ministered there...

EW: Yeah, I can hear in your voice what it's meant for you, in your life, working with a lot of the residents, it's very sacred.

SCH: It is sacred time and sacred space when you're with them.

EW: Do you have any just do you have any particular stories or experiences that you remember or, times that you laughed and just had a great time, any particular stories or experiences?

SCH: My sort of experiences are mostly when we do a memorial services or touching the young...and how the residents really share. Some never say a word, but there's always those few who will speak and share about their experience of knowing the person.

And then we have some fun things. They play bingo, and they do other things. And I just kind of tease the residents about how many cards they can get in front of them or whatever it may be. We celebrate birthdays, that can be a lot of fun. And they love it, of course. Who

doesn't like having a birthday celebrated? And the staff there always make it special for them....It's all decorated, with birthday cakes.

EW: Wow, yeah. I was thinking that's so important, the birthdays...And Shirley, in her interview, talked about the birthdays. And I was thinking when you were talking about residents there coming...and because it's a home feeling, they're important to the person, and they matter as a person, celebrating their birthday sort of reinforces that. It's really beautiful.

SCH: And all the holidays, all the special holidays. It's Valentine's St. Patrick's, Christmas, Easter, all these very special times. The home is always 00:23:00decorated for the occasion.

EW: That's fun. Do the residents help decorate? Or is it largely the staff or both of them?

SCH: They both do it.

EW: How about meals? I'm sorry. Go ahead.

SCH: Meals [are served] family style. And the meals are good, nutritious meals, and meals are

all home cooked in the kitchen.

EW: Right. The staff cook the meals?

SCH: Yes. It's a small house. So the staff does the cooking as well as the medical aspect. And the cleaning for the most part. You know, With the [COVID] virus now, usually, there's always volunteers there that do a lot of work too. 00:24:00Sometimes they'll come in and decorate for a special occasion, inside and outside. And then they have some groups that come in from time to time, do

something special. Prepare the dinner or bring a dinner in. And give them a gift of a gift card so they can go shopping.

EW: Oh, yeah. Nice.

SCH: They get lots of nice things. And then of course, they're always overwhelmed with

all the gifts they get for Christmas.

EW: That is so nice.

SCH: The local community is so supportive of the ministry. When I think when we started and

there were so much opposition, I believe, to having a [home for AIDS patients.] And then I thought about Catherine McAuley when she started the first house in Dublin. She faced the same thing. People didn't want it. Didn't want to the poor 00:25:00in their neighborhood even. Like a repeat of history when we opened new ministries.

EW: Yeah, good point. Thank God people have the courage to just keep on forging on and get through all that and create a ministry that helps. Thank God, that's God's work.

SCH: That's right it's God's work. Nothing ever stopped Catherine McCauley from responding to the needs of the time.

EW: That is the truth.

SCH: And we have tried on carry on her charism of mercy doing that.

I would end it by saying the House of Mercy is a house with heart. 00:26:00Compassionate, loving care. That's what we want to carry on at Mercy. Compassionate loving.

EW: Right, well that's a beautiful way to end this interview and our talk and thank you so much for your time and generosity.

SCH: Thank you for doing it.