Interview 01 - Mary Wright - Thirty Years of Mercy Oral History Project

Thirty Years of Mercy Oral History Project

Mary Wright

Interview 001

1/15/21

Interviewers:

Dr. Mary Ellen Weir

Dr. Daniel Hutchinson

Biographical Note:

Mary Wright served as the founder and first CEO of the House of Mercy, Inc. directing the effort to establish this ministry for the Sisters of Mercy in 1988. Wright continued in her work as CEO until 1995.

Daniel Hutchinson: Today is January 15, it's 2pm. My name is Daniel Hutchinson, and this is interview for the Thirty Years of mercy oral history project with Mary right Mary, and do you prefer Mary?

Mary Wright [MW]: I do.

Daniel Hutchinson: Okay. Mary, do you give permission for us to record today?

MW: I do.

Daniel Hutchinson: Thank you very much.

Ellen Weir [EW]: My name is Mary Ellen Weir, and I'm an English professor at Belmont Abbey College. My colleague Daniel Hutchinson in the History Department and I are collaborating with the House of Mercy on the Thirty Years of Mercy project and we are conducting oral histories. I'm very glad today to have our first interviewee Mary Wright, who was...the founder of the House of Mercy. She 00:01:00was the first president and CEO, and it was her vision for the House of Mercy that really got it started. She got everything started. And before I ask her, just to tell us a story of how it all began, I'd like to add that Mary was awarded the Order of the Longleaf Pine, which is North Carolina's highest civilian award for exemplary service to the state. So, she was recognized by the state of North Carolina.

So Mary how did all this begin?

MW: A lot of prayer Ellen. In 1988, I believe it was, the Sisters of Mercy at their general chapter, and the chapter is a body of delegates of Sisters of 00:02:00Mercy who pretty much determine their direction for four years, and they decided in 1988 to respond to people living with AIDS. And the Sisters of Mercy usually try to respond to the underserved. So they had asked me if I would do a needs assessment to determine what the needs of people living with AIDS in our region. So after talking to various people in organizations serving people living with AIDS. It became clear that one of the primary needs was housing.

So, I reported back to the Sisters of Mercy that housing was one of the needs. Unbeknownst to me I thought I was finished at that point. However, they wanted 00:03:00me to continue on this journey of seeing what we could do.

So I traveled up the East Coast, trying to find different houses that responded to people in the advanced stages of AIDS. And none of the houses made sense to me. Because I always tried to put my shoes into a person's "living with AIDS-shoes." And I thought, how in the world could you if you're sick, climb a flight of steps to get to the bedroom? And so--the configuration of the houses didn't make sense.

So the Sisters of Mercy were going to collaborate with the Diocese of Charlotte. That didn't work. Because I remember clearly going up the elevator meeting with 00:04:00the bishop and the Chancellor, saying to Sister Pauline and Rosalynn, respectively president and vice president of the Sisters of Mercy, that if we sit around this table one more time. and people around the streets dying, I said, "I'm done. I said, This is ridiculous." Well, they did hear me, probably because the elevator was very small...

Anyway--when we were meeting with the bishop and the Chancellor, it was going to be another delay for some reason. And then the Sisters of Mercy decided at that point that we would just go ahead and do it ourselves. The diocese, I believe, had committed to a low interest loan to help us pay for the construction of the house.

So it was very, very interesting times, to say the least, because there wasn't any money involved. I mean, we didn't have any money. I remember, and Ellen you might remember this too, going into Belmont Abbey collecting beer cans--.

EW: Yes [laughter]

MW: -- and trying to get money from the aluminum. I mean it was a very, very, very stark budget. So, we managed and it was a designed build--So, in truth, I knew nothing about AIDS. I knew nothing about construction. I knew nothing about reading an architectural plan. But I do think that God gives us the strength and 00:06:00wisdom we need at the time to figure out what to do. And we did. So that's that part of the history.

EW: You really started from scratch. Well Mary, let me ask you this. At the time, it was 1987 or 1988 you said, at the time in what ways did attitudes of that time about AIDS and HIV shape the experiences of those who came to be served by the House of Mercy? What were the attitudes? Both of the residents that they had experienced and the outside community?

MW: During the build stage, I think there was a lot of fear around AIDS and I 00:07:00think fear...I think lack of education perpetuates fear. I remember even some of the Sisters of Mercy were fearful about having this House on their property. So we did some education with the Sisters of Mercy. And then I went to most of the churches in Belmont talking to the congregations about AIDS and what that meant. And no, you can't get it in the water, etc, etc. I remember correlating it to scripture with the lepers--how Jesus wasn't afraid of them, so why would be we'd be afraid? And so just trying to eliminate as much as possible fear....That took 00:08:00a while.

In the house it amazed me because we've lived with drug users, gay people, men, women, etc. And there was an overwhelming acceptance of each other because the commonality was AIDS. It had nothing to do with socio-economic issues and had nothing to do with cultural issues, they just all have that common bond.

And it was built for people in the advanced stages of AIDS, because at that time 00:09:00hospitals didn't want them. So they were discharged to the streets...or family members became overwhelmed with the care and they couldn't take care of him anymore. We had an eclectic group of people.

And we were very, very blessed to have a resident director [Beth Marin?] who was just a fun loving person who knew how to make them laugh, who knew how to make them enjoy life every day. And so, Beth Marion was just one of a kind, who was able to take care of them.

But...the House of Mercy was always, from my point of view, was always meant to be a home. It was their home. I always maintained that in any home if you combine nutrition with medication, regulation, and with unconditional love 00:10:00people are going to thrive. [The house] was there for people in the advanced stages [of AIDS]...and they maybe came there for to live another three weeks or three months, they did thrive! And they lived well beyond their expectation.

I remember a resident saying that he came there to die. He said, "I'm just gonna die. I'll come here to die." And I remember whenever a resident came, I'd go down and meet them and greet them and welcome them. And he told me that, and I said, "Well you know, then I don't think you're meant to be at the House of Mercy." And he said, "Well, why?" I said "Because you can die anywhere." I said 00:11:00"If you want to live, you can come here and live." And so I just think it gave a little twist to the stigma, you know that you're just going to die. And of course, we're all destined to die.

EW: Let me ask you this. Interesting what you said early on...the types of people we had, a mix of socio-economic levels, drug abusers, poor, black, white, women. At that time, that's pretty remarkable. At that time to have that mix of people. As you dealt with that population, did you perceive any discrimination or stigmas within the healthcare system of that time that discriminated or 00:12:00stigmatized the poor persons, the people of color, the women, the drug abusers....

MW: In the healthcare system?

EW: Yeah. Well, I'm asking the question to you about that because today I think the pandemic and the social unrest as exposed so many inequities in social systems, particularly in health care. So that's behind my question.

MW: Let me answer it this way and see if I'm answering your question. We had a lot of gay people, most of whom were white males. Primarily the drug users, and I hate to categorize it this way, but predominantly were black males. Sprinkled 00:13:00in there we had women. And I think that the stigma, the healthcare stigma was more of a financial stigma that they didn't have insurance, that you know the hospital's had to pay for them, or cover the charges.

Which prompted me to go to both Mercy Hospital at the time and Carolina Medical Hospital and meeting with the CEOs there saying, if they would give us a couple hundred thousand dollars that they wouldn't have to incur the expense of having them in the hospital. So Mercy [Hospital] agreed to it. Carolina Medical did not at the time, but I don't remember. I don't recall healthcare stigmas as much as 00:14:00societal stigmas.

EW: As starting this enterprise out and it's seemed pretty revolutionary to me that we had this mix of people in the house and social class and all that kind of stuff. But as CEO, when you go to bed at night what doubts did you have...or what hopes did you have, but in particular the doubts, because somehow you must have overcame the doubts because the House of Mercy went on to flourish.

MW: The biggest concern which kept me up at night, and probably contributed to this gray hair, was more financial. Because I was very unrealistic and what it took to run a house like this. As far as staffing, etc. So it was more of a financial [concern], that's what kept me up at night.

The other thing that kept me up at night was for a very long time the location of the house was not publicized because, again, of the stigma--of just crazy people out there who didn't believe in [homosexuals], you know, they were all condemned to hell, whatever they believed. So my concern was more for the safety of the residents than anything. And so we never disclosed, again, the location of the house. That stigma was very much on my mind. You know that people are just ignorant, for lack of better word.

I think whenever you're sick....there's an incredible loneliness that goes with 00:15:00it.And when I think about the House of Mercy back in the day, we had very supportive families and we had families who had nothing to do with [the residents]. So those lonely days, paralleling that to today's pandemic, especially with this isolation people in the hospitals dying without their families...I just think... that's just a horrific thing they are going through today, especially not only for the patient, but for the families.

And...the other parallel is denial. We had a family who was in denial that their 00:16:00son had AIDS. And in the paper, in his memorial, it said he had cancer. All right. Same denial today with people not wearing masks, or that this disease is a hoax, whatever. So that parallel...denial is such a such a weaponized thing that it just really doesn't help us deal with reality too well.

EW: You partially answered this question...a final reflection. When you look back at the thirty year history of the House of Mercy, what it stood for back in its historical time and then what it can stand for today, what do you think that 00:17:00history has to say to our contemporary problems we have today, pandemic, political divisions, social unrest. And I know you partially answered that, any other thoughts on that?

MW: This might not be an answer, but I will answer that question.... I will say, that I always thought that the House of Mercy would not be long lived. Because I always hoped and prayed that there would be a vaccine or something, a cure for it. So when I think back 30 years there's still not a cure--Moving forward, you know, what would it be today that we don't have a cure for? We're getting a 00:18:00vaccine for COVID, but I really think it just takes time to figure out what is the need today and how could that how be a home for somebody else, another population. I don't have that answer because I hadn't really thought about it. But what is the need today? Maybe it's some residual COVID, who knows? Maybe it's HIV?

You know, I would love for it to be a home of social rest. From racism. You know, I wish it could be a home for something that would really be a 00:19:00bridge-builder between society and justice, something that really could address the needs of our culture, our culture in an uproar. So how can that be a peaceful environment for somebody to live in, to call home.

Can I just go back to something I forgot? I apologize. And that's the whole license of the house. Back in the day, and it still is today I believe, it's licensed as a family care home. And so it was licensed for that because and built because of that because there was only you can only have six people. Because it's never it was never meant to be a medical facility....If it was a 00:20:00medical facility, then the next level would be a skilled care nursing home, which took an enormous amount of money and resources. But the reimbursement was better. So that was a part of it with a family care home. We could accept Medicaid reimbursement, but at the least level of reimbursement. So that's why I remember back in the day, people said, "Why did you only make it for six people?"And that was the reason, because of family care home license.

EW: Well, if you have anything else you'd like to add, I don't have any more questions for you. But certainly, thank you for all you've done. You've started 00:21:00the whole thing off for a lot of people, a lot of good...and a lot of love.

MW Well, my parting words--the House of Mercy changed my life drastically. And I will be forever grateful for that. I get a little teary....so...

EW: Well, we can see how...

MW: You got me all choked up now--.

EW: I know. Well, we can see the effect of thinking about it, and sharing your experience. Thank you very, very much for your time, your generosity.

MW: Thank you all for doing this. Thank you I look forward to reading it, seeing 00:22:00it, however, this is broadcast, I await the day.